Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
