wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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