I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my shit smells like andre
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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