i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
