He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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