She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
