Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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