I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
