Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize