UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
