I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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