And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
