At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
