I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
