yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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