dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
