Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
