see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
