just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im six kinds of drunk right now
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize