cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
