She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
