Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
