I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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