I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
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