this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
