as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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