i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
