fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
