I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
