where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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