i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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