He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
