I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
