What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
