Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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