You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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