Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
