How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Randomize