never play flip cup with pint glasses
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
