I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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