Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Can i not drive my cunt home
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
