Jerry, you need to find god
are you so shy because you have an std?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
