I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
