i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I bet he comes in French.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
