after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
