one two three fourrrrnication!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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