You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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