how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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