We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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