I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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