she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The Olympian is in my bed
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize