just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
