and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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