me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
