mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
