They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just want to make out with him forever
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
