no you cant smoke seaweed
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
