if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
