There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
