ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
No subtext here. People are naked.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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