i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize