So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
