if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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