Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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