Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
