just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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